testimony

I want you to know me. I don’t want you to know me as a stranger. I’m not alright. This, is my story.
I’ve grown up in a Christian family, that helped make the choice to follow Jesus a familiar one. By time I accepted him, I knew Him, He wasn’t a stranger. I accepted my King when I was about six or maybe five. Young, younger than you guys are now. But that doesn’t mean I was perfect. I still preferred to sleep in church than listen to a man preach for an hour or so. I liked sleep.
It wasn’t until we moved to Red Deer, that God started to develop in me and I saw places to run to learn more about Him. I went to Bethany Baptist Youth for a long time, and there, God changed. I saw an active Creator. I journeyed to a youth event called EQUIP. There I learned more about my youth pastors, worship, and a Jesus I had never knew. I saw youth filled with the Creator, dying to reach out to the world. I went there a second year after. But before the second, I went to Seattle.
I went to Seattle on a mission trip with Bethany and Crossroads. I opened my eyes to a world I never knew. I saw the homeless, in need for a Shelter. I saw the lost, in need of a Rescuer. I saw walks of life, in need for a Path. This world was bigger and in more need than I realized. But still, that wasn’t where God would send me. He would send me closer to home. My school.
God used the Holy Spirit, and guided me to my school. In December of 2006 I let it out. I started something that would last months to come. Project Re:Introduction, is a God-inspired series of sermons. I really felt during those moments, that God was there. That the Holy Spirit had led me to that very time. It all seemed right. But there was still what was happening under the skin of me. My own struggle with sin.
Over the years, I formed my skin to show a good, strong Christian. I showed everyone what I wanted them to see. Nothing more, I didn’t show them my ugliness. My disgust, my revolting sinful underbelly. I describe it like this cause this is how sin is. And this is how I see it.
My struggle started about 3-4 years back. My whole view of faith, sin and the skin of a Christian were destroyed. I started to die, slowing, due to a struggle with gay pornography. It consumed me, shook my faith, everything. To this day I struggle. This is what lies below my skin. This sin has caused me to fear discovery. Discovery of my sin to a judging world, a judging family, hating friends. It made me worry to the point of isolation sometimes, I didn’t want people to know the true me.
This is how I can stand and say, that the Lord is good. Cause, even when I sin, He loves me deeply. He loves me beautifully. And this is true of all the sin. All that fall short of the glory of God. So I can stand, and saw that everything is beautiful, even when I sin, I know my God loves me.